Good Space

I started the discussion with the phrase "I'm in a really good space right now..." I hadn't planned on saying that, or even thought about it until the words just jumped out of my mouth. But after i said it I thought about it, nodded my head a couple times, and repeated it for emphasis, "Yeah... a really good space."

I've been unemployed for four and a half months now. I've increased my class load at school to full time, hoping to take advantage of the time off to get as close to my degree as possible while i still have some unemployment checks to help with the bills. All that is to say that I spend A LOT of time at home. Alone at home. Alone at home in my tiny 1 bedroom apartment. What's the old joke about it being so small that i have to go outside to change my mind? Yeah... that small.

It's very easy in this tiny place for clutter to accumulate quickly. The normal amount of "stuff" for a regular sized apartment or condo or townhouse just makes this place entirely unlivable. "I've been here for 5 years" i continued in this conversation, "and only now am i viewing my apartment as my home and not just the temporary place to keep stuff until my real life begins." It's true. For 5 years i've had bare walls, almost no "decoration" of anything, no continuity of style to anything... this place has just been a collection of random pieces of stuff.

But something changed. I reached a breaking point. Maybe it's because i'm realizing just how close to 40 I am. Maybe it's because i spend 23 out of every 24 hours in this space (i usually get the itch to leave for an hour or so every day, usually late afternoon-ish, even if it's just to run to the store for a loaf of bread or 1/2 gallon of milk.) Whatever the case, i looked around and thought, "i need to take ownership of the space i'm in." and so I have.

Without going into boring detail of the exact changes, suffice to say i'm de-cluttering. I'm going for simplicity. The less stuff in this small space, the bigger the space feels. Adding a few nice things on the walls to look at, and *PRESTO* I feel exponentially better.

Thru the rest of the discussion, i realized that this is all an outward, physical manifestation of what's happening inside me. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually... de-cluttering. Taking ownership of the "space" im in. Evaluating this collection of "stuff" that's cluttered up my life here and deciding what needs to go, what needs to stay, if it needs to stay, where do i put it, how do i deal with stuff that i want to keep but dont ever actually need, etc... and it feels good. I know that I am no longer in the space I used to be, nor am I yet in the space I will eventually be, but at the moment...

"I'm in a really good space right now."