Letter to God

Dear God,

I have an issue with prayer. I'm intimidated by it. I know its just supposed to be me talking to you, but I typically tend to feel like I don’t know what to say, and even if I knew what to say, you'd already know it anyway. I mean really, how am I supposed to tell you what's on my heart and on my mind if you already know? And almost any kind of prayer eventually turns into a laundry list of what I'd like you to do, either do for me, give to me, work out for me, do for someone else, make me understand or whatever, and I'm just so certain to the very core of my being that I'm not supposed to pray like that. And then I look at the scripture in Matthew where "the lord's prayer" is written, and it just feels so formulaic… it might as well be Mad Libs...

"Dear God, You are so (insert adjective) that you (verb) my heart mind and soul. Please give me (noun), (another noun), and (one more noun), while I promise not to (bad verb) and try very hard to (pleasing verb.) All this I pray with (name of strong emotion) because like I said, you are (intense adjective)!!! Love, (state my name) Amen

Can you possibly help me with this? Kthxbai,
-----------chris


p.s. Any chance of advance information on who wins the superbowl? No??? Yeah… that's okay… I kinda figured

I have a PRESENT for you!

Be. Here. Now. It's a mantra that has always intrigued me. To my mind it has always meant leaving the past behind. Dealing only with what's here right now and not allowing any baggage from the past to affect the choices you make now, the actions you take being totally independent.

But can you be SO present in this current moment that you absolutely have no investment in what happens after it?

I was, at one point a student in a school to learn how to be a professional Massage Therapist. I loved that school, and I did go on to have a brief career as a therapist, but that's beyond the scope of this discussion. Along the way, they take time out from teaching you physical techniques, and work on your mental/emotional processes and how they affect what you, as a therapist, are able to do. Over and over and over… "Be Present in THIS moment… have no investment in what happens afterwards." They would hammer the point home "Do what you do and then let go! Let it take it's own path after you let go of it!"

Being present in the moment, but not invested in the outcome. How do you do that? Especially if you're providing a service of some kind, and you're investing your will and intention into the process. People are paying you for the outcome of your service. The results ARE the reason they're there! How do you then let go and divest yourself from the outcome?

I saw a clip online this week of Johnny Depp being interviewed on David Letterman's show. They stumbled across the fact that Johnny doesn't watch his movies. They laughed a little… okay, they laughed a lot… cuz it seems so weird that a movie star wouldn't watch the movies he's made. Depp talked about how he loves the process of making the movies, and the interaction between everybody involved, but that when his job was done, the ultimate outcome was really none of his business.

As much as I don't want it to… that totally resonates with me! There's something in that notion of "I do what I'm here to do, and when I'm done, I'm done. What happens after I'm done isn't any of my business or even my concern. "

This whole thing is about searching for that one moment, and you can choose any moment you want, to be completely absorbed in the NOW of it all. Enveloped in the sights and sounds and textures and tastes, the thoughts feelings and emotions of this one, singular moment, without allowing any thoughts or worries from the past, or concerns or predictions of the future to invade your awareness in any way. Can you do it? I'll be working towards such a moment for myself and I'm interested to hear about yours. Please leave me a comment about your experience with it.

Until next time, be well…
-------chris

The 6 Things I Know You Need!

1)You Need… More gratitude.
I don't care how thankful you THINK you are… you need more of it. No matter what you're thankful for, or who you're thankful to, DOUBLE IT! TRIPLE IT! MULTIPLY IT BY 10!! If life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it… react with thanks! You'll be 90 percent happier than you are now! Find that tiny speck of how this situation is good, and give thanks that you have it in your life to serve that purpose, and you will come MILES closer to feeling purpose and achievement than you ever have before.

2)You Need… to let yourself off the hook.
Stop beating yourself up! Of all the people you can forgive in life, you need to start with yourself. You alone know exactly what circumstances existed when you made whatever choice you made. Yes, you are responsible for the consequences, but creating horribly negative inner dialogue that continuously takes chunks out of your self esteem doesn't help you learn any lessons any faster, so accept your consequences, forgive yourself, and move on. Don't repeat it… just learn from it and don't go that direction again.

3)You Need… to forgive them.
I don't care who you are or what they did to you, the unforgiveness you hold inside of yourself is a poison that only hurts yourself. It's not doing anything to anyone else. Nobody is learning any lesson because you're being bitter, and that bitterness is actually hurting yourself. Refer back to the previous need to let yourself off the hook.

4)You Need… to just love them.
All those people that you "don't understand" or "wish they weren't that way" or think "they CALL THEMSELVES this or that BUT REALLY THEY'RE JUST…" well… you need to drop it already. Nobody's going to want to change because you think they're wrong and need to be like you! People WILL change, and WANT TO CHANGE, when they see how well you treat them. How you love them regardless of your differences. How you accept them and honor them and respect them for making their choices about their life. These behaviors will create in them a thirst to be like you. And that's what we're here to do, isn't it? Live in such a way that people see the joy that you have, and they want it so bad that they want to live like you.

5)You Need.. to realize that its not about you.
People are not, I repeat NOT making the choices they are to be purposely upsetting to you! They just aren't! Okay, I know, it really FEELS like it sometimes. When you look at the choices a person had in front of them and they some how MAGICALLY chose the ONE OPTION that would screw you the most, it can certainly feel like they're doing it TO YOU. But you've gotta wake up! Understand how the choices you make are based on millions of factors, including your childhood, your current situation, the future you desire for yourself. They're almost NEVER about the other people. They're almost always made based on their own personal factors. That's all there is to it!

6)You Need… To know that…
These things are, in reality, what I need. This is my own self-talk. This exists for only one purpose, and that is to remind myself these things. If they help you with anything, then GREAT!If not, that's fine too.

Thank you for reading. Be Well.

-------------------Chris

730am

I don't know what's going on. My sleep is all messed up. As much as I am a confirmed Night Owl (i've studied, passed the tests, and have the degree hanging on my wall!) out of nowhere, i'm up at 730 am! Really???

C'mon now, seriously! I'm a firm believer in Newtonian Physics, and I, just as much as the next guy, know that an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force... like an alarm clock or a morning person. So then what's up with this "Awake at 730 am with neither an alarm clock or a morning person anywhere in sight" stuff???

I've read all the "get your sleep habits under control" articles... that's some good stuff, but it just doesn't seem to consistently work for me.

Do any of you have good ideas about how to #1 consistently get a good 8 hours sleep, and #2 modify your body clock to work on a circadian rhythm you want it to? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

25 Known Unknowns About Me

So just like there are Known Knowns, things that we know that we are aware of, there are also things that we know that we don't know (thank you Mr. Rumsfeld!) What comes next is my follow up to my "Known Knowns..." This would be my 25 Known Unknowns. In reality there's only 24... The third one on the list had previously been about a person that i was in a relationship with, and since we are no longer together, I will just leave it out (if that's okay with you.)

I know that i don't know............

1. When i'll become a millionaire. Good news is I know it will happen. Bad news is, it probalby will be right after there's been a bajillion % inflation and my $million will barely be enough to buy a six pack. OY!

2. Why I've got the friends that I've got. But i'm thankful for them! They're (you're) the best, and i'd rather have you than the ones some other people have as friends. Sheeeeesh! Have gotten a look at them. Scary, isn't it??!!!!

3. (this #3 space intentionally left blank...)

4. What in the world my Son's gonna be when he grows up. But whatever it is, I'm proud of him, and as long as he's happy that's all that counts, right?

5. What my next job will be. It's out there somewhere, right? **Whistle, Whistle** Heeeeere, jobby jobby jobby... Gooooood Jobby!

6. Why I watch both Psych and The Mentalist. I mean really now... they're the same show right? I mean, one tries to be funny and isn't and the other one is funny, but isn't trying to be.

7. Why i keep rooting for the Cubbies. They're always gonna come up just short of being anything good, right?

8. Pretty much anything about fixing cars. I know i'm better than i was, and i've learned a couple insignificant things along the way, but really... Thank God for AAA membership, huh?!!!!!!

9. Exactly what happens when we die. But that's why they call it "having faith" right? i mean, if any of us KNEW then it'd be called "Having Knowledge" but for now, i'm happy to stick with faith.

10. How to be a good dad. Seriously... I'm just winging it. What i'm doing is mostly made up of what i think my "Dad would have done", with a good helping of "what mom would do", a little bit of "what i'd like done with me if i were the kid", a smidge of "exactly the opposite of what i've seen anybody else do" just to mix it up a bit, and sometimes, just sometimes, a pinch of "what i think will most irritate their mom." hehehehehehe

11. Why exactly is it that the doctors on House are always getting away with breaking into peoples houses and apartments. I know this really isn't "about me or my life" but i watch and enjoy the show... i just don't get that part. Am I just supposed to suspend disbelief? c'mon!

12.Why helping other people fix their problems is so important to me. But it is. Sometimes that's good, sometimes it just gets me in more trouble than it's worth.

13. What the deal with my hair is! I'm almost 40 years old and i've got collics (cow licks, or however it's pronounced) that make it almost impossible to have a good hair day on a reliable basis.

14. Why i get a couple weeks into a good workout routine and healthy eating plan and then, snap, it all disappears on me. I start workout programs like other people quit smoking... I must be really good at it cuz i do it FREQUENTLY!

15. Why i'm not a "Pet Person." My familiy always had dogs growing up, and when i raised my kids there were always so many animals in the house (rabbits, gerbils, turtles, birds, etc...) but still, regardless of the "cute factor" i'd still rather not have them around. I'm not trying to be mean, and i'm not saying that YOU shouldn't have pets. I'm just sayin' me... not so much.

16. how i can do what i can do with a guitar. I seriously don't think about it when i'm playing, i'm mostly just letting it happen. I'm not purposely picking the notes, they're just kinda coming out that way. I'm gonna just have to chalk it up to being a gift that i've been entrusted with, and i should be a good steward and use it wisely, huh?

17. why i picked 25 of these to do. I mean, i know all the other notes have 25 things, but i can't think of one of them that didn't mention how difficult 25 things are to come up with, and while the first few came to me right away (probably why i thought this would be easy) now the last few feel like a stretch... like i'm forcing it, ya know?

18. how i knew my dad was going to die the next day on the night before he died. I just did, and i'm really glad i had a chance to say goodbye. Most people don't get that chance and would give anything to have gotten it.

19. why relationships are more important to me than jobs or money or success or what car i drive or where i live or any of that... they just are. The ones i have mean everything to me, and the ones i've messed up haunt me with "what could i have done different" and that feeling doesn't go away.

20. how long i'll live. none of us do. Maybe that's why "doing things the right way" feels so important, but i wonder how often "doing things the right way" has gotten in the way of truly enjoying the blessings of the moment i'm in because i'm worrying about what i should do with the next moment coming up.

21.how to save money very well. It's like exercising for me. I start off great, but i usually hit a wall where something comes up and i choose to spend the savings for something now instead of holding out, living without, and keeping the savings growing for that really big thing i want even more.

22. Why i'm doing this. Somehow i must enjoy the soul searching / revealing my inner thoughts and emotions process more than i probably should. i originally thought i was doing it to make you laugh but looking back i don't know that many of these are very funny. Joke's on me, huh? ;-)

23. why my food just HAS TO BE HOT! (i mean temperature hot. I do really like it spicy hot too... but for this exercise that's not the HOT i'm talking about.) i'm sure it's bothered some of you. I mean, if i'm in a restaurant and my food isn't HOT, i send it back right away. And when i'm home, i've been known to serve food right out of the pan on the stove onto a plate, and throw it right into the microwave... just to make sure. How annoying is that?

24. I'm a night owl. Always have been. I've always wished i could easily wake up early in the morning. Morning people always seem to get so much more out of their days. They're more productive and more disciplined and even happier (it seems) so why i can't teach myself to get up earlier on a regular basis just escapes me. Was that Newtons Law of Physics that said "an object at rest tends to stay at rest, unless acted upon by an outside force... like an alarm clock... or a morning person!??"

25. Why i always try to get a laugh. It's so important to me to be funny to you, even if (or especially if) i have to make fun of myself to do it. You being happy and getting a good chuckle out of anything i've done or said makes it all worthwhile to me. :-D

25 Known Knowns about me

A while ago there was a viral "note" on facebook where people would write 25 things about themselves and post them. After reading a few from my friends I decided I would jump in and give it a shot. Having just recently decided to share this blog publicly I thought this might be a good way for some new friends to get to know me a bit. Somewhat of a virtual introduction. So what follows is my "25 Known Knowns about myself."


1. I never defined myself by what my job was, but now that I don’t have a job my definition of myself has become “I Am Unemployed.” Ugh!

2. I taught myself to play the guitar… some would say very well… and I never had any guitar lessons… but I did have piano lessons and I played clarinet in school, and I’m thankful I had that foundation to build upon

3. I’m being very careful to share things that are personal enough to be interesting, but not too personal to be embarrassing.

4. I married young, and my wife was 10 years older than me

5. I consider myself an “Old Soul” and haven’t always felt comfortable around people my own age

6. I’ve learned over the last couple years that I’m not always as good of a friend as I think I am. If you’re one of the friends that I’ve let down, I’m sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. If you still consider me a friend… thank you. I’m blessed to have you in my life.

7. I know what I know, and I’m pretty aware of what it is that I don’t know too. So that means that I’m perfectly comfortable saying “I don’t know.” It also means that If I tell you that I know something, just trust me and lets go from there… arguing just wastes both of our time.

8. With that said (statement #7 that is….)I do like to debate and sometimes even take the other side than you just for the pleasure going thru “the dance of the debate process” with you.

9. I would give anything to have a deep, honest, “heart to heart” discussion with my son without it turning into something he considers “a lecture” after only 2 minutes. I mean really… I just want to talk and find out what’s going on down deep inside him, what he thinks and feels and likes and dislikes and thinks is important and is scared of and hopes for and wants to do with his future and all of that stuff… but he’s 19 so it’ll probably be a few more years, right? Ugh.

10. I consider myself well spoken and articulate, but there are many things that I can communicate with my guitar that I just simply don’t have the words for.

11. I have many, many, many facets to my personality, some that conflict with each other, and some that I’ve probably never shared with you.

12. The place that I’d most like to travel to is Australia

13. I used to hate the color green, now it’s one of my favorites.

14. The following statement is true

15. The preceding statement was false

16. I used to know almost every routine on bill cosby’s comedy albums word for word, and that goes for joe piscopo’s also. Oh yeah, and George Carlin’s, and don’t forget Gallagher’s Showtime Specials… and Eddie Murphy’s delirious… and….

17. I was a Professional Massage Therapist for 4 years. Pay attention, it’s MASSAGE THERAPIST, not MASSEUSE! Masseuses are “those kinds of girls” that work in “those kinds of places” that wear “those kinds of outfits” and provide “those kinds of endings!” Yes, it took many years of school to learn to do it safely, professionally, and effectively. Yes, I am able to tell exactly where it hurts just by touching you. No, I will not work on you for free. Yes, you’re an idiot for thinking “I’m not letting a dude touch me” or that there’s anything sexual about what I do, now just let me shove my elbow in your shoulder blade so I can make the pain go away, and you can go back to work without that headache, okay?

18. I hated every moment of being a travel agent, but truly loved almost all of the people I worked with… I just wish we worked together at a good job someplace that didn’t SUCK!

19. Most of the jobs I’ve had, I’ve left to work somewhere else, and then gone back to for awhile. I wonder why that is.

20. The more options you give someone, the harder it will be for them to choose. Only give 2 options to choose from and they’ll decide much quicker, and even be happier with their choice than if they’d had multiple options.

21. I try to only use my superpowers for good instead of evil… but sometimes I get drunk and then all bets are off… sorry.

22. One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten was from my mom who said “you can’t steer a parked car. If you’re facing the wrong direction, keep moving, at least that way you can turn yourself around and go the right way.” Oddly enough I got very similar advice from my boss at the drug store I worked at as a teenager. And it was only a couple days later too. He said “if you’re treading water in the middle of the pool and can’t decide which side to swim to, just pick one and go to it. If you get there and it’s the wrong one, you can at least hang on the side of the pool and rest until you’re strong enough to swim to a different side, but if you stay in the middle just treading water, eventually you’ll get tired and you’ll drown. And then you’ll never get to the right side, now will you?!” That advice has helped me thru many periods of being paralyzed and not knowing what to do or what to choose.

23. The greatest lesson I’ve ever learned is how EXTREMELY IMPORTANT it is to tell the people you care about that you love them. Make absolutely certain they know how you feel because life is fragile and that important person can be taken away from you in a heartbeat, and the regret of not having told them how you felt is possibly one of the worst regrets you’ll ever have in this life.

24. My divorce was one of the friendliest and most polite (and least expensive) divorces I’ve EVER heard of. It still SUCKED to go thru…

25. I love to put Doritos on top of my turkey and cheese sandwiches, and if possible drink a sprite with lemonade mixed in it. I’ve only met one other person that liked to do that, and sharing that meal with them is one of my favorite memories, thank you! (I’m pretty sure you know who you are, right? I don’ t have to “out you” here in front of everyone, do I? ;-) I didn’t think so…)

Good Space

I started the discussion with the phrase "I'm in a really good space right now..." I hadn't planned on saying that, or even thought about it until the words just jumped out of my mouth. But after i said it I thought about it, nodded my head a couple times, and repeated it for emphasis, "Yeah... a really good space."

I've been unemployed for four and a half months now. I've increased my class load at school to full time, hoping to take advantage of the time off to get as close to my degree as possible while i still have some unemployment checks to help with the bills. All that is to say that I spend A LOT of time at home. Alone at home. Alone at home in my tiny 1 bedroom apartment. What's the old joke about it being so small that i have to go outside to change my mind? Yeah... that small.

It's very easy in this tiny place for clutter to accumulate quickly. The normal amount of "stuff" for a regular sized apartment or condo or townhouse just makes this place entirely unlivable. "I've been here for 5 years" i continued in this conversation, "and only now am i viewing my apartment as my home and not just the temporary place to keep stuff until my real life begins." It's true. For 5 years i've had bare walls, almost no "decoration" of anything, no continuity of style to anything... this place has just been a collection of random pieces of stuff.

But something changed. I reached a breaking point. Maybe it's because i'm realizing just how close to 40 I am. Maybe it's because i spend 23 out of every 24 hours in this space (i usually get the itch to leave for an hour or so every day, usually late afternoon-ish, even if it's just to run to the store for a loaf of bread or 1/2 gallon of milk.) Whatever the case, i looked around and thought, "i need to take ownership of the space i'm in." and so I have.

Without going into boring detail of the exact changes, suffice to say i'm de-cluttering. I'm going for simplicity. The less stuff in this small space, the bigger the space feels. Adding a few nice things on the walls to look at, and *PRESTO* I feel exponentially better.

Thru the rest of the discussion, i realized that this is all an outward, physical manifestation of what's happening inside me. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually... de-cluttering. Taking ownership of the "space" im in. Evaluating this collection of "stuff" that's cluttered up my life here and deciding what needs to go, what needs to stay, if it needs to stay, where do i put it, how do i deal with stuff that i want to keep but dont ever actually need, etc... and it feels good. I know that I am no longer in the space I used to be, nor am I yet in the space I will eventually be, but at the moment...

"I'm in a really good space right now."